4am Imponderables

 Since before forever, (not to be too location specific or anything)
The town next to *my* town is the slowest on speedtest, by great gobs.
I thought it had something technical to do with the slow speed, like maybe conflicting signals colliding....

My point being, the "Best server" is never the best server, 

but the one farther away, is.

So I pick a place I've never been, would never go.
Are they flooded today, is everyone on vacation, I bite my nails until the report comes in.
Wasn't that ping a little high?
But the speed is nice.

Then I wondered if T-Mobile has their own "Ookla" Speedtest server, and they prolly do, but it's a secret. 

Rumors say that using their servers don't count against you, 

that alone would be a reason to use them, 

even if they are only slow--less slow.

"Colorado", hmm

Speedtests with empty freeways at 4AM don't say much except they make a person feel better.

Because "QOS" Internet cops patrol the internet even at 4 in the morning, (I'm totally guessing) making sure a person is no bandwidth-hog.

And if I were more math savvy I could convert my bandwidth on the modem to something I could say should be my max speed, without running expensive (to my byte-allowance) tests. 
But my bandwidth sucks, and shouldn't go so fast, so I ignore it, usually.

No, all it really says is, the router isn't having an episode, and the modem isn't arthritic today.
I'd have to read lots more books to tweak speed from there.

They use "M-Lab."
OK fine, but where are they?

Almost far, nice speed;
too far, and it's busy, crowded, with fog and snow.
Well, there's always tomorrow, being another day and all.

https://speed.measurementlab.net/#/

Www (Wait! Wut? Why??)

The biggie-est blue-Blob in the entire world is in New York.
If they can determine your location, they'll refer you to lesser servers nearer you.
Some of those servers may only be 1Gig max.

These researchers you speak of, what color hats do they wear?

I have nothing to brag about and I don't run a server, Ah, sh*t, IDK

I don't trust any of you.

"Dox"/Doxxing.

Dynamic IP addressing: a girl runs a semi-legal server with videos on Makeup.

One day her power goes out and YOU get her well-used IP address.
Fret, wonder, then on a hunch you unplug/re-plug the modem, and it's fast!
(For a day)

You read the privacy agreement above and figure it's finally time for a VPN.
Except (I don't know why) the VPN slows down your connection, defeating your purpose of faster anonymousey internet.

OK I'm...gonna stick to Ookla. They prolly retain IP addresses forever too, they just don't flaunt it, don't make you bow down to their rules.

Plus it's cheaper:

They've got a promo, for only $85 (or so)
Yew Tew can have a VPN! (2 yrs)
I'll be dead by then.

"NordVPN" is 12.00 a month, and I don't really have 12.00 right now (OK I do, but)

I'd be all paranoid, wondering if the LAST guy using my VPN was banned in six countries and is wanted by the law, or if they run a server on makeup tips.

I'd be running speedtests daily, my ISP would blanch, and I'd be really unhappy (generally speaking.)
WHO (whew?) could I brag tew?
What forum could I bust into and say, "What does this button dew??"

Naw, nvm.

I sort of have vpn, but if netgear/the USG has any say about it, it's open to them too.

I mean, you're trusting someone with all your stuff, that they won't peek and rebroadcast it.

I guess I could *try* it, not needing an abortion or any drugs, not being a hacker (can you tell?)
Tell me again why. O Yah, to please a speedtest.

https://www.reddit.com/r/tmobileisp/comments/kry2cl/fix_for_vpns_on_tmobile_home_internet/ (sounds iffy)

OK Now I'm worried.
Does it work with my (openvpn) router,
Why is the whole vpn-thing a biggie cheese 
people compete over??
I wonder why they want it so bad.
"Join us! Join us!!"
like a herd of Vampires in a cemetery
Open! Nord! Wireguard!
They drool.

I've! Got! A SECRET!!!