Hard times...

 Dyson wooed everyone with a smooth-talking british actor on TV.

Let's review:
"Big Ball" was better than "Ball" right? Except the scandal broke open that the big ball and the ball used the same engine. (so why the huge increase in price?)

MY little ball has a tiny hose snaking from the floor sucker (the long hose) 

to the main attraction, the agitator, only I can never Use the agitator, too many small helpless wires laying about.
IF that little snaky hose gets clogged, a little window is supplied you can open (and then use tweezers or long-nose pliers)

The clear container is nice looking until a few months later, it's black with encrusted soot, clogged with old tissues, it's ... yucky.

The tiny-hose I mentioned has tiny holes now, too many sharp plastic pill containers (from CVS's Imodium.) 
The humungous amount I paid (on a friend's credit) was NOT well spent.

           You have to wonder why infomercials are always a little too loud.
That cloth-glue informercial looks great, I wanna repair a rip too, but the guy yells unforgivably, and why (o why) don't they sell it at CVS??
(Amazon??)

Well anyway I hate shark infomercials but they hired a nice lady to stand around and she doesn't yell too much.
Amazon users (!) love the informercials, apparently....
The king is dead, long live the king (eventually, did I mention I can't afford anything just now?)

I gotta go read reviews, count the sugarplums dancing in my head...

and then there's this guy on (reddit?)

Yeah ok but which one is for people *working* for the richer-than-god In some beach in the hamptons... 
The extremely poor (OK maybe they're just a-holes) would rather sweep the damn rug and insist you take off your shoes before entering, exposing their precious f'ing rug to your leprous cancerous corn-filled feet and socks from last Tuesday...

This is no farm, dammit, grow up.

sweeping Sidewalk during sandstorm

I'm editing in that collectors of vacuums (collectors? Reeeaally?)

Hate Shark.

Insane ladies with huge empty houses, vacuum to pass the time and they claim "Sebo" is nice.

These Miele salespeople hate most everything.

I'd be convinced except some hate Miele, so I'm skeptical.

(I'm looking at canister-vacs with power-bars.)
If you're totally into one brand, you prolly wouldn't know about others...

but so far I think only Kenmore has power-beaters natively.

Imagine (I imagine, nevermind you) that dusty shops in Podunk Iowa (Idaho?) who sell vacuum cleaners would be the only ones interested in a forum for vacuums.
Anyway they hate Sharks. IDK.

I've gone through "Canisters" and I've decided, I'm not insane enough for one, although it's really embarrassing having an upright sticking out like an exhibit amongst the filthy dust and debris.... (rubble and detritus) 
so,
canisters can be hidden more easily...
No!
I won't be suckered in by idle tradespeople to buy more than I need...
An Upright (*gasp*) is fine!! (heresy!)
Which one.
Ya know, they're right, they DON'T last, but

"Out, out, brief warranty!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor housekeeper
That struts and vacuums his rug upon the floor
And then is heard to vacuum no more."

"Kenmore"-yada-blah-whatever, but I'll always have the pissed-off feeling that this is some common OEM item with a fancy-ass name.
(not sure that made sense, I'll edit this later)

Kenmore=Panasonic  Cleva North America "Vacmaster" (I think):

You might have to click this to read.
TLDR Manly, yes, but She Likes it too
(Link)

I'm not  real sure a shop vac is the way to go, reading reviews. It's like buying an expensive ladder knowing *someday* you'll need to change a lightbulb.

So OK, uh, Kenmore or Shark, and the shark-haters might have a point, I wouldn't know but buying blind makes you believe in innuendo, rumors.