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Monday, August 12, 2024

old subject: Pans



 
There are a zillion frying pans. 
If you look for them they want to sell you one for $100.00 ("voted best")
Voted best by who? Investors in the pan?
And, what are you cooking?
What should the pan be made of?
Amazon customers reeeally like a "Lodge" cast-iron pan, 30,000 customers can't be wrong.

I don't care what it's made of, but the pan I have now, which is prolly used from a dead person, has diminishing Teflon, and Teflon worries me.
So call this an "Anything but Teflon" window-shopping spree, except I draw the line at pans costing more than $20.
We're not cooking roast or bearnaise (Do you cook Bearnaise?)
 
Clubby lingo
The grill frying pan, for pretty stripes, I was interested but now, no.
A guy actually made an f'ing youtube video on cooking an egg in a grill pan, 
And who cares if it has stripes on the patties. 

O...K, some generic copper non-stick (I think), prolly "ceramic," I guess, for frying everything everywhere.

The more pretentious "hammered" version is $39

No, forget what I said, it's 17
"Vine review of Free Product" (whuut?)

that pan just above has more of a sharp-bend on the bottom. And I don't really know what that means in pan-ology: more surface area to cook, more even cooking, or just marketing?
Avid viewers will remember my filter fondly, and who could forget my new wallet.
O well. September looks good.

More time to look (I don't trust loquacious freebie reviewers)
P.S.
 all the pans I pick have (maybe) 30 reviews, as opposed to 3000-10,000.
(And a lot of them were freebie-reviews)
That isn't an encouraging sign, unless maybe they're mashing ALL reviews from a company into one biggie-huge review-thing.
Why did most everyone else pass them by?
"Cast iron yada whatever" 10Lbs, $100, 10-zillion reviews.
 Well I don't WANT a f'ing cast-iron bullshit ten pounder, TYVM 
so I guess I'm stuck hoping the vine reviews are honest ones.
You'd go mad cleaning the "Cream Fry Pan," or it would turn a gummy brown 
And when people asked, "(ew) What is it" you could proudly say it was $200 total.
Or you could keep one in a plastic-wrapper when they show up, and *EAT* with the gummy brown one.


"Our place set" for pretending to be happily married when Mom in law shows up (who spent her rent on a damn pan for your wedding)

Made in is the name, not the description (??)

I've already got an extremely heavy copper bottom thick aluminum/Stainless(?)
pan, it weighs a ton and it's real BIG. (from a swapmeet)
But the smaller one is my favorite, except it's bleeding teflon all over the place.


I did not know there was a special pan just for omelets (Omelette in pretentious-speak, spell-checker.) (Scrambled eggs, right?)
(Every damn profession with their clubby lingo)
So OK I have these 1Lb packages of Lean ground Beef I wanna cook (ok?!)
(Damnit!) uh, where was I.
So I prolly do not need "Le Creuset," I need a new version of a Teflon aluminum damn pan (that won't kill me eventually)
But I like this one, 20K reviews, and some people like it.

Google's answer to "Can you fry meat in an "omelet" pan (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr)?"
is, "why not buy both?" Fu&^%$#! (Blam!)



F'n freebie clown wants a separate pan for steak, omg.
He won't cook steaks since it is not cast-iron...
Plus he lied about it being "Heavy."
Same weight as the old pan, with  a nice coat of fresh paint.

This final note:
People I've known fry up something and then quickly rinse the pan, with much hissing and steam.
Which is prolly why the damn Teflon fell off...
Anyway, they actually send an instruction sheet. 
No sharp pointy objects, no high heat.
Don't overheat an empty pan.
Don't pour cold water into the hot pan.
Well, all commonsense stuff people totally ignore, it's tradition.
Pans warp and peel.
But I'm not one to buck tradition.....
I just always thought it was dumb to make a pan hiss.
Cool steak, hot empty pan. 
Slow death to the pan.
(o Well)
So as not to piss off the pan, I'm thinking of adding oil to every dish, then slowly heating the oil.
And afterwards, be a little lazy and don't wash anything for a while.
 

Non-stick pans suck, but (etc)
Non-stick  for everyday,
Stainless copper-bottom for show.
Yep, "two-pan", that's me.

I had a blog entry on spatulas, but it's gone. The neighbor got a kick out of it (the blog, not the spatula) but it wasn't presentable to the general public (Google no longer carries this blog, if it ever did.)
I went on about my (now, three) spatulas, which at the time were one single metal one with a slightly melted handle.
NOW I have a pure-silicone super flexy one I'm happy with, and one that is much more attractive and less expensive from Amazon, but... lotsa people hated the spatula, I neglected to read the reviews.
It is the same exact length as the flexy one, but... 
the spatula-part engulfs the handle-part, so I guess you could argue that the handle is too small, but I will grow accustomed to it.




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