Troubleshooting

 The calcium to phosphorus ratio as related to mineral metabolism - ScienceDirect

OK this is long and complicated, best to remove the crusty-crap first.

You've met them, smart(?) people who look down on you, but you're good enough to troubleshoot their chronically dead battery, the one they keep pouring baking soda onto, and loosening the battery connectors to remove and quickly charge the thing wherever they're at.

Well, shit, they know loose connectors shouldn't be loose, but they have good reasons.

That chemical crap building up at the connectors, making the electricity harder to get through....I wasn't ranting, you wanna see rants? Fine, I'll paste a few bombastic articles that mostly say,

whatever happens, keep your phosphorus and your calcium intake in a tight ratio (your body's supposed to do that for you but it might not be working right)

And, your handy-dandy blood test, where's the Phosphorous????

OK that was the intro, give me time to work up the energy for a research project on parathyroidism.

(still glossing and summarizing)

Glands around the thyroid gland (four of them?) regulate PTH, a chemical regulating the calcium/phosphorous level in your body.

So (reviewing) TSH=Thyroid Juice, PTH=Minion (para) Juice.

Or making it more readable (can you guess now WHY I repeat myself?)

The Thyroid releases a chemical keeping TSH low but not too low.

Parathyroid glands release PTH for a good calcium/Phosphorus mix.

(Who releases the TSH that the thyroid regulates? Fucket, I dunno)

"Thyroid-stimulating hormone, also known as TSH, is a glycoprotein hormone produced by the anterior pituitary. It is the primary stimulus for thyroid hormone production by the thyroid gland." The pituitary-gland, OK? stop interrupting.

"Do I need a phosphorus test????" Is a question you might wanna ask the next professional you see, if your vitamin D is too low or you drink like a fish.

And since you're the paragon of virtue you are,

"Lips that touch wine will never touch mine,"

Vitamin D might be pointing to something.

It's all so circular, have you noticed???

Serum Phosphorus Test: Purpose, Procedure, and Results (healthline.com)

What's up with "Phosphate" is it like "Phosphorus"??

Uh...

Let's pretend the machine broke in 2/2018

So now we have (lessee) "Phosphorus"

"Phosphate"

"Phosphatase"

You love to obfuscate and confuse...

OK we agree that phosphorus and phosphate are the same, what about "phosphatase"?

Before I go look (IE this sentence is half-cocked) 

my D is low, my phospha-sometin-umptin is high(er) uh,...

OK I got distracted. I need more calcium to make up for the fact that the calcium I *have* is not being absorbed.

OK *NOW* I gotta go look up "Phosphatase" unless it's a typo.

No, it points to Bilirubin.

This little blurb of a box (Total vs Direct Bilirubin) will probably be glossed over by you and your doctor, but I want you to remember another blurb.
Delete it from your mind if you want, but it happened.

---

There's probably tons of Twilight Zone Episodes obsessed with death, but I only remember two.

One was notable because for most of the time I grew up, there was this actor named "Robert Redford" who got all famous after a couple really-gigantic movie successes, but was still pretty unknown when the TV show he was in was made.

Death has to trick this old woman into letting him into her house.

In another less star-filled, much more depressing episode, a woman escaping somewhere (say, was this a ripoff of a Hitchcock movie?) keeps meeting a grizzled hitchhiker. A sort of a WWII-veteran-looking, down on his luck, hitchhiker.

She's a bit of a snob, probably republican don'tcha know, and is eternally creeped out by him, until she remembers, she's really dead.

You might know why you're dying, you might even know when, but you can't cheat death by taking a couple vitamins.

And that pimple on your kidney or liver has to grow into a biggie cancerous cyst before they'll go "Oh. You have Cancer. We shoulda caught that years ago but you know, covid and we're stewpid" "You're going to die"

But given the info they give you, you might find out you've been wasting tons on vitamins that don't work.

This next link is only readable by people who know what this stuff is, So despair, mere mortal, from knowing why phosphate is so important and why your doctor did not order any tests for it.

Phosphate metabolism and vitamin D (nih.gov)

But if you can piece stuff together, uhm,

kidneys work better with phosphate?

Think of your body as a machine with many relays, many checks and balances.

"Phosphate" is one of those relays/balances.

You could role-play yourself into reading your dad's notes on reanimation...

I've got this great fucking quote, I just can't remember it...Your young mind will grasp it quick, read the first few lines of the link!! (minus-to-plus, plus to minus)

Yes, you're soo smart, now cut the shit and talk normally.

"Vitamin D2, Vitamin D3" or something else? (Vitamin e=mc^2)?

I only care about what's on sale at waaalmaarrrt (*waaa* (sniff) WHUT?)

WHY the fuck didn't you just say "d3"?
"mimimi25^ax2+bx+c=0/2ananamimi" CRAP is chemically changed food, but no one waxes bombastic about crap (do they? (oshit)

"If you're too FAT, Vitamin D won't work  very well
 
Anyway it rents a room in your sweaty rolls of fat and isn't heard from again.
Pouring it on, Living in it, Being totally decadent (5000IU) will cure you (but geez)

Diabetes-whut?

Shit, I knew you'd get around to mentioning it.

So my doctor paid attention on one day and ordered a D test, fell asleep/went golfing the next when they talked "Phosphorus/Phosphates?"

So (lessee)

I'm fat

Vitamin D eludes me (because I'm fat)

and Diabetes cannot be far behind (if I'm fat and all my vitamin d is hiding)

Get some sun. Cholesterol drugs? Lose weight!!!

Now, about that Parathyroid...

People I've known have had horrible creatinine, or whatever it is that's supposed to be 1 max but is actually5.

Apparently if creatinine is so high they can't fix it, they stick you on dialysis forever. I reserve comments. But keep your creatinine low.

I guess I'm saying that, no one seems to be mentioning my kidneys, my gall-bladder or much else (someone might have dissed my liver, but it was one of those comments you aren't really sure you heard or not.)

OK maybe you know I bought Magnesium because some website said I needed it.

But to USE magnesium you need vitamin D.

Magnesium ...

You'd be better off going back to school to learn  the poem ("I don't know why she swallowed the fly, perhaps she'll die") about chemistry.

This needs that, which won't work without the other thing.

Meaning, uhm, (well anyway, I get the strong feeling that) there is one primary vitamin that sort of stimulates and excites the others and makes them behave.

I skipped the part about bad symptoms. I'm remembering I read it because of all the beautiful women I've met with anemia and kidney infections.

Plus they never ate anything but Rice-cakes or salad.

Anyway, I might or might not have had some side-effects no one asked me about, lately. So if this "vitamin d" is the magic-bullet they're pushing, lemme try it first, see how it goes. If I get cured, I might worry legitimately about things like endless bathroom trips and allergies to ketchup.

I found a review page for very powerful Vitamin "D2" and the people writing the reviews are old, it's true, but they're way more depressing than the reviewers on Amazon.

ergocalciferol vitamin D2 oral Reviews and User Ratings: Effectiveness, Ease of Use, and Satisfaction (webmd.com)

I read, I swear I did, and it might even be in this blog entry or the last one,

That Vitamin d3 and d2 are similar but one gets converted to the other (d3 to d2, I *think*,) and D3 is easier to track, because it lasts longer, the other stuff they were talking about fades in a couple hours from a blood sample.

Translate what I just said into Greek, add lots of math, and you might actually see it here.

If not, nevermind. 

Anecdotal (stories):

Calcitriol vs Vitamin D2 Comparison - Drugs.com