Peaches and Dulcinea: Event XX Azure net does not Exist

Well if you didn't join up and promise to pay azure.net, why should it exist (for you?)
But Azure is really hot, your PC is smitten, and tries to hook up with her.

It then cries quietly into the log, that for it, Azure does not exist..

If this unreadable is pertinent, I don't know:

https://support.microsoft.com/en-gb/topic/kb5005413-mitigating-ntlm-relay-attacks-on-active-directory-certificate-services-ad-cs-3612b773-4043-4aa9-b23d-b87910cd3429

Hackers spent years in bunkers or prisons to craft this little hack, and maybe it's best left alone.

But if it's a thing, Why is windows flailing against its own lock? O, nevermind

The whole windows-terminal/Azure thing sort of explains why their GUI interface sucks so badly;
The techs type stuff, while the interior-decorating designers make endless pretty menus

Power-shell is great. Windows Command prompt is venerable but indispensable.

"Windows Terminal" comes in many colors...and hackers use it to gain access.

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/answers/questions/49237/tpm-20-error-with-every-boot.html

Hem-haw, folderol, we only write answers in greek/hex

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/windows-server/security/guarded-fabric-shielded-vm/guarded-fabric-install-trusted-tpm-root-certificates (hoo boy, I've got a shitload of keys. Now what?)

I'm supposed to be a forest ranger or at least a cloud-guardian.

O crap.

Manually importing a key (Any key) into the TPM is daunting.

Public? Sha 2048? Root? Intermediate? (red wire, Green wire? Oshit)

But I deciphered some numbers, got into the TPM-Key directory, Picked a Microsoft branded-key for TPMs, and....It worked, except, now, nothing.

Well I could repeat the procedure (I did it for "Authorized Timestamps," what-the-fuc) and now I'd need to go back and populate the other (if I could only remember the damn name so I could google it while I'm here)

It's late, and the rest of this won't make sense.

"ENROLL EFI IMAGE," sure, why not.

BOOTMGR.EFI.MUI (yes, google, there is an R)

BootMGFW.EFI.MUI

~~the second one fails~~ (select it with mouse, use keyboard to confirm.(the "FW" one)

So ...

No differences noted

https://www.veritas.com/support/en_US/article.100015603 (ble??)
(If you can boot enough to be able to bcdedit, uhhhh...whut??)

https://superuser.com/questions/1261860/difference-between-bootmgr-efi-and-bootmgfw-efi

Gives a calculus-level explanation.

People can parrot this shit backwards, but what does it really mean???
If something went WRONG with the system, maybe it'd be nice to have a backup.
Or...(I forgot the other one)

Biggie can of worms exists if you manage to successfully install all the keys and a fly lands on the installation, changing the OS.

BIOS won't boot because it scrambled the EFI partition on the drive.

Dell knows all about this, they even wrote a PDF.

But instead of clogging your mind with dated details, just google OS recovery, dell data protection windows 10 update pdf.

The TLDR is, the EFI (boot) partition shouldn't get scrambled. They probably figured out some other way of ensuring the integrity of the OS, but it's not something I'm really that interested in.

"Bomb-disposal for fun and profit" would be more lucrative.

So WHY am I bothering with this??

~~Storage~~
Attestation

And a vague inclination to please windows, the people who talk almost-english.

It's saying my PC is a lesser one, but it never says why.

And it keeps pointing to a non-existent website, MicrosoftAIK.azure.net

My TPM is perfectly healthy but it's in a coma and no one knows why.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Intune/comments/ceg6wz/bitlocker_intune_pcr7_binding_issue/ (BLIND Leading the non-seeing)

I'm editing out my personal ruminations after googling for 120 minutes.

"wash your hands (use soap) (The antibacterial kind)" is NOT helping at all.

The closest I've come to an answer is, you need to be part of a collective (AKA a "domain") and be a drone to an all-controlling Server.

Because, the server has the keys, and you'll remember that as a kid, the loud footsteps and the rattling keys, carry all the authority.

No Keys, no authority, No Collective, No binding.

Not being bound means you're free, and do not have to depend upon hackers and servers to decrypt your disk, which is really stupid unless you're a drone and someone else has your keys.

I'm "enhanced" and worthy.

Just, not encrypted.

A Ranty Note: "Thunderbolt"/USB-C

OK I do not have Thunderbolt or what I've read is called "USB 4" but in our shy-new-world, I can pretty much confirm now that my USB-3C connector can charge but not hook up my phone, unless I mess with the drivers and Windows-security.

This note has to be more ranty than I'd like to quash the protesters; Over the past few days I've proven that the connector does work perfectly but is being blocked when all drivers are at their latest, and all security measures are being taken.

I'm editing this to add that when the phone is *completely* powered down while hooked to USB-C, then turned back on, everything seems fine and this problem magically disappears.

Those Useless videos (from India?) don't mention this:

If the drivers are fine, (they are)

If the settings are fine (They are)

restart the phone/power down boot up the phone.

B-but what about restarting windows??

I don't know, all this is from 10 seconds ago and I don't have all the freaking permutations yet.

But, yes, restart the phone, see the phone in device-manager (inaccessible), then restart windows;

*That* is one permutation.

Tonight (a couple days after the above) I needed to restart several times, but the formula is similar:

See the phone in device-manager, then restart windows.

Or you could just use one of the many, many apps eager to see what's on your phone, (*grr*).

Or you could disable-then-enable the restarted-phone in "device Manager",

that works too sometimes.

"The Your Phone"-app seems to want to connect to the internet to act as an interested party to see what is transpiring between the phone and the attached PC.
I don't trust it (I don't, &^%$#). Well, for one thing, it wants the internet;

A direct wifi-connection or USB connection just won't suffice.
Then it has the nerve, gall and audacity to request that it send diagnostic data to Microsoft

(it asks all friendly-like, after switching the option "on" by default.)

If your spouse were at the market and were unfamiliar with your phone,

it could be a way of remotely accessing the phone, but don't hackers already do that?

Once security is onboard with the idea, the phone stops being blocked.

I wrote (then erased) that I had some arcane setting wrong, but this method is lots easier than searching for it.

This all sounds disjointed now, and is mostly a rant that hackers, and law enforcement and congress and any other interested parties, have a much easier time of accessing my phone than I do.

There's a sad song by Judy Collins, a singer before your time, who goes on about how her illusions about love and life have been shattered, and she really doesn't know about love or life at all.

I feel the same about phones and Windows.